Tuesday, May 22, 2007

de burgh's dark day draws nearer

Is there no end to Chris De Burgh's evil manoeuverings, putting himself in place to herald the coming of totalitarian shapeshifting lizards?

He tries to obscure us from the beauty of human creativity both by inflicting his emetic albums on us and also by attempting to derail work of genuine worth. He buys up alien technology in readiness for the day his extraterrestrial lizard masters take over.

As the UN moves towards being global government, so it shouldn't surprise us to see that those who would seek to rule the world are getting themselves into key strategic positions within the UN.

Chris de Burgh has been appointed a UN ambassador for The Collaborative Intergovernmental Scientific Research Institute - Spirulina Program (CISRI-ISP) and its extension programme the Intergovernmental Institution for the Use of the Micro-Algae Spirulina Against Malnutrition (IIMSAM).

Why on earth would the UN think De Burgh's a decent goodwill ambassador for anything? Are they saying somebody starving at a refugee camp is going to go, 'well, I wasn't going to eat spirulina, but now the guy who sang Don't Pay The Ferryman says I should I'll chomp down all I can. You just see if I don't. If one can be said to chomp algae'.

Or is it to encourage the powerful to devote more attention? Will we see the wealthy nations stand up and declare, 'for too long we have been blind to the scientific opinion that spirulina is highly effective in feeding people with disorders resulting from malnutrition. Why did we ignore such a thorough and august body of opinion? Because it was merely nutritionists, food scientists and aid workers who recommended it. We could pay them no heed until we heard a voice that speaks for more than just the merely knowledgeable; we needed the voice that sang the na-na-na-na chorus of A Spaceman Came Travelling'.

There can be no goodwill brought by De Burgh. It's him getting himself into position. IIMSAM has Observer Status with the United Nations Economic and Social Council, allowing De Burgh privileged access to many parts of the world.

It's so obvious. Indeed, the De Burgh dynasty taunt us with it. His daughter won Miss World in 2003. Miss World! Assuming the title of global overlord, the crowned monarch of all humanity! It could scarcely be more plain!

She's also been prepared for the bloody struggle, trained from a young age to use deadly weapons - according to Wikipedia she was South County Dublin Under 9's javelin champion.

Isn't County Dublin the place where the previously cosmopolitan metropolitan Jim Bliss mysteriously and inexplicably moved to a year or so back? Suddenly Bliss' repeated rabid defences of De Burgh fall into place.

They have UN authority, Jim Bliss, javelins and a tiara. Everything an evil mastermind would need. Time is running out.

When you find my body kebabed to a wall by a javelin, dust the handle for Bliss' prints.


Anonymous said...

Y'see, the trouble with this; it puts me in the position of defending Chris De Burgh. Which -- frankly -- isn't a position I'm entirely comfortable in.

I'm the first to admit that if you take his career minus the early folk albums, then De Burgh is every bit as bad as you paint him to be. Clearly it isn't Don't Pay The Ferryman or A Spaceman Came Travelling that I'm trying to defend here. That would be an act of sheer wickedness.

But listen, I can appreciate the excellent drumming on the early Eno albums (by Phil Fucking Collins) without it lessening the nausea I feel when Sussudio comes on the radio. And in precisely the same way, I have a mind open enough to accept that De Burgh's career didn't begin with the gut-churning power pop.

But beyond that, I find it interesting... and even a little sinister... that in your analysis of De Burgh you fail the mention the unparalleled work he's done in the area of donkey welfare. Indeed, it is clearly the man's great work with donkey sanctuaries throughout the land that has prompted the United Nations to give him his new remit.

I have a suspicion that your periodic hectoring of De Burgh is naught but the occasional psychotic outbursts of misdirected rage generated by your deep hatred of donkeys and all who bring them succor.

When you find my body kebabed to a wall by a javelin, dust the handle for Bliss' prints.

My prints? Surely you realise I have people who do that kind of thing for me, Merrick.

Anonymous said...

De Burgh shilling spirulina must have some other motive.

Maybe one day the little buggers will *burst out of our stomachs* in a mass orgy of homages to John Hurt's death in Alien... or perhaps they migrate to the brainstem and control us, turning all who eat of them into passive lizard-snacks.

All just too plausible from the man-monster De Burgh.

(Although Spanish Train wasn't too bad...)

merrick said...

Of course! The buying of the Alien facehugger! The green of the algae, just like lizard skin!

It's all so clear to me now!