Monday, November 08, 2004

home of the furry dance

There's not much to do in the Norfolk town of Long Stratton since they took away its only late night facilities (a 24 hour maggot vending machine called Magic Magit).

In this month's edition of The Sexton's Wheel ('the magazine for the villages of Long Stratton and Wacton') the main letter to the editor is lamenting the filling in of the potholes in the car park behind the Angel.

'Potholes, after all, hone one's driving skills and there is always the challenge of the hidden depth. Luckily, other potholes in the area in the area remain interesting'.

Long Stratton isn't alone in this dearth of worthwhile qualities. Whilst standing at its main bus stop, I read an advertisement for Lowestoft.

Lowestoft: Britain's most easterly town and quiet seaside resort once famed for herring fishing.

I picture myself at Lowestoft in conversation with an intrepid travelling companion, standing staring out to sea (cos 'quiet seaside resort' means there's fuck all else to do there).

'Wow, so this is Britain's most easterly town. It's like, how much more east could we be and still be in a British town? And the answer is none. None more east'.

'Yeah, and just think there used to be herring here too'.

'Kinnell. Imagine that'.

Fear of such unsaleable dullness clearly concerns the good people responsible for Helston's tourist industry. If you've got no strong selling points yet don't want to use Lowestoft's honest yet ultimately self-defeating approach, why not arouse interest by baffling the visitor with bizarre-sounding weirdness?


Anonymous said...

And did you do a furry dance whilst there?


johneffay said...

To be fair, the description of Lowestoft as quiet is probably just a ploy on the part of the tourist board to pull in punters. Lowestoft has a vibrant nightlife consisting, for the most part, of disgruntled holidaymakers getting pissed up and causing trouble as they try to work out what possessed them to go there in the first place.

They also have an annual airshow which you can watch from the beach. A couple of years ago, a pilot had to eject and ditch his Harrier into the sea. Wish I'd been there for that one...

Anonymous said...

Nice pic. Camp as a row of tents.

merrick said...

Kirsty - I didn't do a furry dance, and indeed I'm suspicious of what it might entail. Every time I see the words I say them in my head in a Rhodes Boyson voice, having seen Ali G make him use the cunnilingual euphemism 'drink from the furry cup'. Surely something so grpahic can't be what they'd put on the village sign? Unless Helston's a lot more Wicker Man than I realised...

John - Sorry i underestimated Lowestoft. You make it sound so enthralling. "disgruntled holidaymakers getting pissed up", if they put that on the ads in Long Stratton I'm sure we'd all flock to the place and it'd lose its, ahem, quiet character.

Is there any kind of memorial to the herring thing there or anything?

Shame the harrier inot the sea thing was a one-off. If they made that part of every year's show it would pack 'em in.

Anon - camp pic in several senses, as you can tell by the rollmat on the back of me bike.

Anonymous said...

Hello Merrick,
I seem to remember you found something to do in Long Stratton (or its close vicinity).
R x

Anonymous said...

Shit man, I LIVE in Lowestoft.
Its not a way of life... more a penal sentence.
But on the positive side, at least I don't live in Great Yramouth!