Wednesday, May 02, 2007

and in the blue corner

The Tories - on such a hiding to nothing that they didn't even stand round here last time - have found a plucky individual for tomorrow's council elections called Syprian Pitkin.

Certainly a better name than the other candidates, but what does he offer?

For a start, none of the sly fake community newsletters offered by the LibDems (who set a new high on their gall-ometer by delivering a letter on blue writing paper, printed to look like it's handwritten from their candidate. Sheesh).

Syprian dishes out a proper, old fashioned, honest to goodness election leaflet. I'm resisting the temptation to treat its use of grammar, spelling and punctuation the same way I've treated his little placards in the local grass verges (oh the joys of steel toecap boots). There's no need for cheap shots when there's such bollocks in what he actually says.

People have attacked David Cameron for his all talk and no walk approach to policy making, but it takes time and consultation to come up with something that's as grand as a national or international strategy. In a local election there are always simple, straightforward concrete things to talk about so there's no need for Cameronian vagueness. You'd have thought.



Good stuff made great by the use of the conjunction 'boldly go', one of the phrases in English that has been rendered comedic forevermore, just like 'who you gonna call?'.

But it gets better in the next bit.



For god's sake, don't judge us by what we actually do! That's your worse judgement coming into play! No, use your 'better judgement', the one that believes the promises of people with a consistent record of breaking promises.

The biggest piece of unwalked talk is their green credentials. Syprian's leaflet uses an astonishing logo, whose higher design values strongly imply it's cut and pasted from some national tory leaflet



Erk? What happens if you vote Green then?

But remember, when there's a low turnout it's all about 'voter apathy' and a refusal to engage with the political process, not the fact that all the candidates are transparently deceitful bastards who appear to believe we've got the mental age of a brain damaged puffin.

All that said, I'm definitely going to vote tomorrow. As with the last general election, my reservations are squished by the fact that the BNP are standing and I want to minimise their proportion of the vote. Last time they polled 11% across Leeds, despite only fielding candidates in two thirds of the wards. Sometimes the bullet has to be bitten.

9 comments:

Praguetory said...

Syprian does appear a little apologetic for being a Tory, but good on him for standing in your area. You may not agree with this, but Conservative policies ought to benefit the deprived the most. NB I used to live in Hyde Park.

merrick said...

Praguetory, good to see Syprian's ass getting whupped into fourth place, beaten by not only the LibDem and Labour but the Greens too.

Conservative policies ought to benefit the deprived the most

Sure; cutting taxes for the rich, making people pay for education, favouring motorists over public transport and opposing the minimum wage all really really help the poor don't they?

At least have the clarity of thought and honesty of expression to admit they're the party of the rich. until then, two words for you; poll tax.

Al said...

Hi, I was going to be the Conservative candidate in Hyde Park and Woodhouse in 2006 but a technicality on the form got spotted by the election office an hour before the deadline for nominations went in.

So the implication for why we didn't field a candidate is not accurate. Don't believe all you read in Lib Dem leaflets!

As for Syprian, he's only been involved in UK politics for a short time but he's planning on fighting again next year. We'll be working on the grammar. If you'd like to let him know what you think about his views or the area he wants to represent, I believe that you've got his contact details from the leaflet. It may be more constructive to get in touch with him directly than via a blog.

By the way, those placards cost me money! I'm not impressed.

And a final quibble: no-one 'does' perceptions, do they?

Yours,

Al Gunn
Syprian's Election Agent

PS: Many thanks for not voting BNP. Anyone but them.

merrick said...

Al,

a technicality on the form got spotted by the election office an hour before the deadline for nominations went in.

I did think it odd. The big parties normally put someone up everywhere on point of principle, even if - as the Tories fortunately are here - never going to get anywhere.

Thanks for the setting me straight there.

he's planning on fighting again next year. We'll be working on the grammar.

I'd prefer it if you'd work on the philosophy and justice instead.

Give me an illiterate candidate with a commitment to public services over an eloquent PFI-giveaway bastard any day.

It may be more constructive to get in touch with him directly than via a blog

I'm not over interested in seeking out Tories so I can tell them why they can fuck off. Clearly Syprian is aware of his party's history - his hilarious condescending apologist paragraph was my favourite bit of his leaflet.

If he wants to stand on the shoulders of the people who gave us the poll tax, fine. I'm with the people who burned their bills outside the town hall.

If a candidate stops me in the street or knocks on my door I'll give them an exchange. But I'm not going to come round Syprian's to do it for the same reason I'm not going to Kingdom Hall to tell the Jehovah's Witnesses why they're stupid joyless fools.

By the way, those placards cost me money! I'm not impressed.

Really? And I only did it to impress you, too.

Oh no, hang on a minute, I did it for the same reason I scratched off a load of BNP stickers from the bus window.

no-one 'does' perceptions, do they?

Pardon?

Anonymous said...

I just voted for Pitkin, hope we see him again next time around.

As for you slimey cowards who feel the need to destroy other parties posters, you are beneath contempt. Such juvenille tactics reveal your true personality.

merrick said...

Anonyperson, if you're waiting for a Tory to win round here, don't hold your breath. A pathetic fourth place last year.

Tell me, in what way is it cowardice to kick over a placard? Cowardice is the showing of ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain.

It seems to me that 'coward' gets used a lot as a term for someone we dislike whose actions we can't prevent.

My favourite was the description of the 9-11 pilots as cowards. Insane, murderous lunatics, certainly. But cowards? Hardly.

Back to our point, I feel seriously aggrieved by a placard advocating the killing of poor people, the removal of their wealth in order to benefit the already over-rich, and the veneration of an ideology that, by its assault on the hard-won rights of trade unions, destroyed the family security and happiness of millions.

A placard advocating such vicious intent repulses any decent person. Those who support it should see them destroyed, they should know that there are people who strongly defy their creed of selfishness and greed.

merrick said...

Oh, two wards have declared, Headingley and our beloved Hyde Park and Woodhouse. Pitkin beaten into fourth again, with only the BNP scum behind him. Chortle.

Anonymous said...

Merrick,

You are so pathetic. The Lib Dems you praise so much does nothing for Little London.

Most residents that vote in Hyde Park and Woodhouse don't vote Conservative as they do not want to work.

I take it that you are not affected by labour policies and can do nothing better but to criticise.

You have constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.

merrick said...

You have constipation of the brain

I see. That would mean that I find it hard to think or to comprehend things, I presume.

The Lib Dems you praise so much

Where, anywhere, have I ever praised them at all?

In the above post, I call them 'sly', and link to a post laying into their hoodwinking that concludes their are either cynical and patronising or else merely stupid.

That might be praise in your book, but where I'm from it's nothing to sing about.

Most residents that vote in Hyde Park and Woodhouse don't vote Conservative as they do not want to work

Am I reading that right? Only people who want to work vote Conservative?

Is that the same Copnservative party who want to do away with Inheritance Tax, the biggest case of money for no work imaginable?

By the same token, Labour's traditional heartlands are in the big industrial cities. Do dockers and steelworkers not want to work?

(Clues to the answer may be found in the first words of the phrases 'industrial cities' and 'Labour party').

How many of those who vote for non-Conservative candidates have you spoken to about this?

There were 2,749 in Woodhouse. Your poll shows at least 1,375 of them chose their candidate because they don't want to work, am I right? Or are you making stuff up for transparently absurd reasons? Or have you got a good idea but are unable to find the words to express it? I'm genuinely intrigued to know the answer.

I take it that you are not affected by labour policies

Er, how can you think that I'm not affected by Labour policies, living under a Labour government?

Unless you are referring to local government, in which case, as it's a LibDem/Conservative alliance in Leeds, neither me, nor you, nor anyone in Leeds is affected by Labour policies.

I genuinely cannot see what you mean.

I suspect one of us must have constipation of the brain.