The Tories - on such a hiding to nothing that they didn't even stand round here last time - have found a plucky individual for tomorrow's council elections called Syprian Pitkin.
Certainly a better name than the other candidates, but what does he offer?
For a start, none of the sly fake community newsletters offered by the LibDems (who set a new high on their gall-ometer by delivering a letter on blue writing paper, printed to look like it's handwritten from their candidate. Sheesh).
Syprian dishes out a proper, old fashioned, honest to goodness election leaflet. I'm resisting the temptation to treat its use of grammar, spelling and punctuation the same way I've treated his little placards in the local grass verges (oh the joys of steel toecap boots). There's no need for cheap shots when there's such bollocks in what he actually says.
People have attacked David Cameron for his all talk and no walk approach to policy making, but it takes time and consultation to come up with something that's as grand as a national or international strategy. In a local election there are always simple, straightforward concrete things to talk about so there's no need for Cameronian vagueness. You'd have thought.
Good stuff made great by the use of the conjunction 'boldly go', one of the phrases in English that has been rendered comedic forevermore, just like 'who you gonna call?'.
But it gets better in the next bit.
For god's sake, don't judge us by what we actually do! That's your worse judgement coming into play! No, use your 'better judgement', the one that believes the promises of people with a consistent record of breaking promises.
The biggest piece of unwalked talk is their green credentials. Syprian's leaflet uses an astonishing logo, whose higher design values strongly imply it's cut and pasted from some national tory leaflet
Erk? What happens if you vote Green then?
But remember, when there's a low turnout it's all about 'voter apathy' and a refusal to engage with the political process, not the fact that all the candidates are transparently deceitful bastards who appear to believe we've got the mental age of a brain damaged puffin.
All that said, I'm definitely going to vote tomorrow. As with the last general election, my reservations are squished by the fact that the BNP are standing and I want to minimise their proportion of the vote. Last time they polled 11% across Leeds, despite only fielding candidates in two thirds of the wards. Sometimes the bullet has to be bitten.