Saturday, September 17, 2005

allah the net nanny

I've heard him called Allah The Merciful, also Allah The Most High. That one tickles me a lot. Say it in a posh English accent with the emphasis on 'most' and the intoxicant option of its ambiguity comes to the fore, as in 'good lord, I do seem to be most high'.

Anyway, another string has been added to the teetotal deity's bow. He's now watching over your internet browsing.

A new Trojan monitors access to porn sites and then displays a quote from the Koran chastising the surfer for his or her sins, a security vendor said Tuesday.

Once it's installed, Yusufali.a - called 'Cager.a' by Trend Micro - watches which sites Windows users visit by examining the browser's title bar. If the Trojan sees a word in its list - such as 'teen', 'xx', 'sex', or 'penis' - it minimizes the window and displays a quote from the Koran.

Firstly, what a rubbish list of keywords; any medical student doing research on genitalia, any biologist finding a site discussing the sex of an animal, any Nirvana fan's page about Smells Like Teen Spirit is liable to be hit with Islamic codswallop; a page for Fuzzbox's 1986 feminist proto-grunge classic XX Sex doubly so.

But that's all by the by. Even if it could hit just porn sites it's existence wouldn't be any more justified.

I plead with any techie types reading this, please get this virus and reverse engineer it. Make it so that anyone browsing monotheistic sites suddenly gets an unclosable pop-up window of some rampant sucking fucking polysexual orgy with a message telling them to stop believing in fairy stories and go enjoy themselves and their bodies.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You and George Monbiot both, Mr Merrick, except he's got a bigger fish to fry.