Monday, January 23, 2006

donkeys vs lizards

As regular readers will know, I hold a deep conviction that Chris De Burgh is evil.

And I'm pleased to report that, despite - let's name and shame here - Jim Bliss trying to stuff the ballot box in De Burgh's favour, the poll in the sidebar shows that a clear majority of you agree with me.

So share in the emotional turmoil that has overwhelmed me since I discovered that De Burgh is nice to donkeys. In 1999 he joined a sponsored walk for a donkey sanctuary and played two benefit gigs for them.

Chris De Burgh and some donkeys

Perhaps he's trying to mess with our understanding of moral absolutes, he's trying to soften us up, it's all part of his evil plan to let the lizards catch us unawares.

Don't let the equine cosiness make you drop your guard. He could strike at any time.


Jim Bliss said...

Are there no limits to your persecution of the man? It's people like you what started Nazi Germany, make no mistake!

This witch-hunt has gone far enough. I expect you'll be destroying his records and burning books before too long. Not that he's written any books so far as I know, but apparently Moonfleet by J Meade Faulkner is his favourite one, so doubtless you'll be out in your jackboots and brownshirt burning copies of that.

Don't you get it Merrick...? de Burgh falls on the "Jools Holland" side of the fence. He's done enough good stuff / something of sufficient merit to justify his subsequent offensive twuntishness. This is in contrast to the likes of Phil Collins, whose early drum work for Eno has long since been struck from the record by... well, by pretty much everything else.

With this psychotic vendetta against de Burgh, you are blurring the legitimate distinction between Holland and Collins... and in doing so, you are basically saying that Matt Johnson's Soulmining is a crap album with no redeeming features.

Furthermore, your vicious attack on donkeys and those who wish to help them reminds me of the line from the Legendary Pink Dots song Madame Guillotine...

"Then they rounded up the gypsies, and the junkies, and the donkeys
now I'm scared to whistle 'swanee' in case they ask me for my spit"

SEE?! Your camapign of savagery against Soulmining, against de Burgh, and against all donkeys must be halted. Hitler hated donkeys too!!!

merrick said...

I do not hate donkeys. The entire point of my post is that I feel confused at De Burgh and donkeys being together, and so I have clear delineation; donkeys good, De Burgh evil.

If some of Hitler's early paintings weren't too bad it would not excuse a dozen years of Third Reich carnage.

Jools Holland did Up The Junction. He, as you rightly observe, did the genius of the piano solo on Uncertain Smile. He puts together Later, which showcases all manner of great music that would otherwise get no such outlet.

Exactly what new music have you discovered thanks to De Burgh? It's 'none' isn't it Jim?

There certainly is a room on the good side of the fence for 'you've done some shit but redeemed it', and just as certainly Holland stands in that place.

The only way De Burgh's getting there is if he gets a load of lizard storm troopers to come and annexe it as lebensraum.

Phil Collins not only played on Eno's stuff but also on Peter Gabriel's brilliant 3rd album (the one known as 'Melt' - he helpfully made his early solo album all be eponymous. Thanks for that, Peter. I really want to ask for a copy of the 3rd one and get the inconsequential turgid shite of the 4th in error thanks to its identical title. Tosser).

But Collins not only did all that Genesis tosh (what does any of it actually mean at all?), *and* all those stomach churning solo ballads, *and* the recent Disney songs, he also produced cack like Easy Lover for the previously excellent Philip Bailey.

We get the message now, Phil; you're evil, we know. You can be quiet now.

De Burgh is clearly with Collins; not only his dreadful personal output, but the collusion with royal lizards and assisting in their planning of our complete totalitarian domination.

This is a fight *for* freedom and good music and *against* fascism and High On Emotion. As the man said, it's a barbed wire fence, which side d'ya choose?

De Burgh even mocks us with messages in his lyrics. Listen to A Spaceman Came Travelling, about alien races come to take over earth; listen to Don't Pay The Ferryman, about not trusting those who lead you.

It's all there Jim, and yet you deny it. You are in the thrall of the Dark Prince. Bator.

zoe said...

de burgh wrote lady in red.

enough said.

(happy 2006 by the way, mr bliss x)

Gael said...

Sorry to change the subject (well, I'm not really). Just wanted to drop in a comment about your current reading - If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things - which I read a couple of years ago and really enjoyed. An excellent book -