Wednesday, February 28, 2007

what goes up simultaneously goes down

As Paul Simon warned, 'taking downs to get off to sleep and ups to start you on your way, after a while they’ll change your style'.

Ah, but what about taking downers and uppers at the same time?

What kind of total loon would inflict that on anyone's system? What kind of crazed amoral drug dealer would sell such things?

In the 1930s Smith Kline & French brought out Dexamyl, a mix of amphetamines and barbiturates, a breathtakingly potent psychopharmaceutical pincer movement that would make Danny out of Withnail suck air through his teeth and wince.

The advert from the 1940s says just one fat dose every morning 'is of significant value in depressed and verbally inhibited patients'. No shit.

The thing I love best, though, is the illustration.

Dexamyl: so good it makes you smile at the hoover

No addressing anything tricky like why she might be depressed and unfulfilled.

Give her medical grade speed to make her active and barbiturates to make her compliant - sorry, that's 'more approachable and communicative' - so she can get back to the robotic domestic enslavement.

If she finds her chores and lack of personal control of her own destiny upsetting, dose her up till she doesn't care!

Pack up your troubles in your old dust bag and smile smile smile!


Monkey said...

Ay up, Mr. Badger. That's class, I like it. On a par with all those old adverts for fanny bleach which informed women if they weren't bleaching their twats every night their husbands would find them unfeminine and go off with the hot chick next door.

merrick said...

Monkey, that sort of stuff still exists in a less chemically damaging (but just as psychologically damaging) form.

Femfresh frankly terrifies me. We don't want sex to smell of sex, then, and would rather have it smell like pine fresh Toilet Duck.

As John Peel said, 'a society that condones vaginal deodorant is a society in real trouble'.