at least you haven't done this

Oh joy oh joy. Got an email from a friend. I feel truly heartened to know a man who'd do such a thing as he describes, and doubly heartened that I'm thought of as one who'd appreciate him telling me of his ill deed.

I think you'll appreciate this one. Friday night I was so drunk I used my mate's credit card to order 170 quids worth of fetish gear off the internet - including a gas mask with 24 inch dildo attachment coming out of the mouth, a pvc outfit - shorts and a top with attached pvc mittens, and a rubber mask with a 12 inch dildo for the nose.

Fuck.

Still, it doesn't display a lack of wisdom to make a mistake, only to make the same mistake repeatedly. And his particular mistake has a built-in once-only failsafe, in that you can't really use the internet if you're wearing PVC mittens and have to keep your face 24 inches from the keyboard.

Go and feel better about your life. Whatever befell you at the weekend, at least you never did that.

170 quid!

24 inches!

MITTENS!