Sat on the coach, I couldn't help but look across the aisle at the woman reading Cosmopolitan. More precisely, at the magazine itself.
The 100 Beauty Products That Will Change Your Life article featured a sublist of 35 Products Beauty Editors Swear By. This was followed by a piece on Natural Radiant Beauty.
How natural is radiant beauty when it's made from a hundred tricks performed with a heap of several dozen different products?
A few pages further in we came to an article entitled How Normal Are Your Breasts?.
Is there a meter you rig them up to so you can find out? "Hey, I'm a 7.5 but you're only a 4.6!" What might the unit of measurement be called?
Beyond there, a full page ad for some Nivea skin product headlined Catch Everybody's Eye. What's that about? 'Want attention but been convinced by this mag you're ugly? Buy our product to get attention and be worthy of it'.
What would a skin cream have to do to make the wearer catch everybody's eye? All the options I can think of certainly wouldn't look good, that's for sure. Most of them are really gruesome. And that's before we consider a literal interpretation that involves fish hooks or somesuch.
How could you compete with Cosmo? I'm thinking of starting You're Ugly And Wrong Monthly, featuring articles like 58 Expensive Things To Buy For No Real Reason, or 100 Things Repulsive Inadequates Like You Bought To Make Themselves Physically Acceptable.
As Mary Schmich's classic Chicago Tribune column said, do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.