cosmic lube up, blasted gonads & teenagers on glue

The rapidly increasing pace of technological advance is dizzying at the best of times, and even those at the heart of the engine sceptically wonder where it might lead.

The few people who actually understand nanotechnology have a hard time explaining to the rest of us just what the hell it is. One of the most common fears is what has been termed a 'grey goo' incident, where the nanotech mutation of the structure of matter chain reacts and turns vast amounts of the substance of the earth into something completely different.

The grey-goo theory is a real life extension of Ice-Nine in Kurt Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle. Ice-Nine makes water freeze at a much higher temperature. The military think this'll be great for getting soldiers through otherwise impassable swamps, muddy battlefields, etc. Some Ice-Nine hits the oceans, which then turn solid.

There's a similar level of perplexing scientific jiggery-pokery in the idea of non-Newtonian slip. Isaac Newton's understanding of physics declared that the harder you push, the more resistance you meet. So if you slowly push your palm into the bath, there's less resistance than if you push it in fast.

Yet the makers of Liquid Silk say they have non-Newtonian slip - the harder you push, the easier it gets. As baffling as nanotech, but without the prospect of rendering all the earth a ball of amorphous mush.

I'm sure that messing with the fundamental nature of cosmic matter mixed with lubed-up slippery sex could give me a witty quip for this headline - something about a Liquid Silk/Ice-Nine scenario - but unfortunately I'm on funny prescription drugs that impede my wit, so you'll have to put it together yourself.

Universe 'too queer' to grasp

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Elsewhere in the news, you've gotta ask, hasn't the guy suffered enough already?

Five years for shooting self in the testicles

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We have heard a lot about youths being on glue, but this next story is more about glue being on a youth;

Teenager found glued to lamppost

My favourite line from this story being the concluding one, 'The North East Ambulance Service said it did not know how the youth ended up stuck to the post.'